By: LaNāya Blackwell
You never realize how much your parents relationships and your childhood experiences affects your relationships and partner choice until you take the time to analyze you own.
“You do not need to confuse intensity of emotion with love. Genuine love always seeks the best of the other person. Do not be deceived by assertions, no matter how confident or strongly stated, by someone who seeks to harm you. #Preventionstartswithme”
In replaying my childhood and the way that my parents interacted with each other, I have concluded that all of my romantic relationships mirror my parents relationship. I have ultimately involved myself with women who treat me the way my mother treats my father.
Growing up, my mother was very outspoken, because of the things that were done to her in the past. Since my father is very apathetic and passive, there was a lot of tension between the two of them. All I ever saw was her lack communication skills and being very excessively argumentative.
It was not until I made it to college when I realized that I am my father and the women that I have romantic relationships with mirror the actions of my mother. I became the passive one, in certain situations, and put up with things I should not have, while dealing with some women who love to argue.
“#Preventionstartswithme Domestic Violence is a terrible reality for so many. Please know that you are not alone. Others have been where you are. Please seek support and assistance to protect yourself, and your children if you have them, from continuing abuse”
The “crazy” girls were my favorite. The thrill, the arguments, and making up with them after. It was like an exciting game and it was normal for me, I never realized the pattern I was following until that moment in time. Any girl that did not fall in line with that had no shot with me.
Being consistent in boundary setting, self love, self advocacy was extremely hard for me. She was abusive, yet constantly victimizing herself and painting me to be the villain. In regard to self advocacy, anytime I would try to stand up for myself or vocalize my frustrations it led to an argument that somehow was my fault. This resulted in me apologizing for the wrongdoings of my partner.
I am not my past, I am not my childhood. What I have went through has only made me stronger. I will use my experiences to empower others and hold my abusers accountable. The cycle will not continue . #PreventionStartswithME
-LaNāya Blackwell
Taking on the burden of someone’s past caused me to lose my self love and pour every ounce of my being into someone that constantly verbally abused me and victimized herself afterwards. If I truly loved myself I would not have have put up with over a year of toxicity and blaming myself because someone else could not get it right.
I have learned that I need to love myself and remove myself from situations that are not bettering me as a person. It has taken me 6 years to realize that I have been dating my mother. Now I must take the steps towards self love, self advocacy, and setting boundaries for myself. Through the use of positive affirmations and self awareness, I am striving to heal from the traumas of my childhood and past relationships.
LaNāya Blackwell is currently pursuing a B.A. in African and African American Studies with a double minor in Education and Sexualities at the University of California, Davis.
LaNāya aspires to become a High School teacher and write a curriculum for either African American Literature or African American History, as well as open community center that caters to the needs of Queer/Non-Queer identifying Black Youth.
Educating the youth is one of her primary goals and passions. After noticing the lack of support for Black Queer kids, LaNāya stepped in to help and is currently running a support group for Queer Black Youth, Unapologetically Me, at a local high school, in addition to her role as Varsity Girls Basketball coach. She is extremely passionate about serving, mentoring, and catering to the youth.
LaNāya’s personal experiences and many intersections has given her a significant amount of interpersonal skills and communication skills that will significantly benefit the growth of any organization.
LaNāya s also one of the newest initiates of Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority, Inc., Lambda Xi Chapter (ΛΞ) , Spring 2019 #Setaria7 #Proud2Be #DeltaGirl.
How the Experiences Negative Or Positive of My Youth Have Manifested in My Decision Making in College Relationships Whether Platonic or Romantic?
By: LaNaya R. Blackwell