By: Kiana S. Washington
“Don’t judge yourself by what others have done to you. #PreventionStartswithME”
My first finals here at the University of California, Davis was one that hit like an 18-wheeler. Coming from a high school in an underprivileged area it always seemed as if anyone who was enrolled in honors or advanced placement classes was equated to that of a genius. Although I did not think of myself as such, it is true that I would often hold myself to a higher standard to some of my peers.
In high school I could not fathom someone having below a 3.0 or even failing a class, it all seemed trivial to me. During the time of college acceptances, I applauded myself on being accepted into such a renowned school, knowing that all of this hard work had actually gotten me somewhere that I wanted to be, around people that were at the same intellectual level as me.
Stepping foot on the campus of UC, Davis was exhilarating, to say the least. However, as the first few weeks of classes started, I began to feel a little uneasy. Going to my classes and getting to experience 300-person lecture halls; and professors openly admitting that they would never learn the names of the students was a little disappointing. Along with the fact that such professors openly admitted that such classes were weeder classes, meaning that their main goal was to discourage us from pursuing a career in such a field — my discouragement intensified. Nevertheless, having that 4.0 student mentality I figured none of that would apply to me, that I would excel in every aspect because I had done so all my life; I’d been at the top of my class for years now, why should college be any different?! How wrong, I never thought I could be…
“I am healing, slowly, but surely #PreventionStartswithME”
That year I received my first D+. Having failed midterm after midterm and final after final my self-esteem took a big hit; I began to beat myself up over the fact that I did not perform to my usual standards, but why was this?
I could not fathom how I could go from being one of the smartest students in my classes to feeling like the dumbest. I was depressed, ashamed, and embarrassed; I truly did not know how to handle such “grand” level failure. I felt as if I did not belong here, that I did not belong in college, that I was just a waste of space in these classrooms. I was constantly getting down on myself but I ultimately had to realize that no matter how hard I tried to shift the blame I was truly the one person to blame. It was frustrating to know that my own actions and decisions had to lead me here.
It was no one's fault but my own. In realizing this I also had to realize that I am no longer in high school; I am no longer living with my parent anymore, I am no longer a kid. I had to realize that the only way I will succeed in this world is if I take initiative and put in what I want to receive out.
During that low moment I really had to humble myself. I had to make sure that I did not take this as a defeat, but as a learning opportunity.
Taking note of the fact that maybe past study habits simply would not work in this high pressure and intense collegiate level coursework; I would have to go out of my way and my comfort zone to get help. I would have to reevaluate how I compared myself to others on an intellectual level. Additional, realizing that I was sheltered in this bubble of my own school district, I was not privy to what other kids were learning; I accept that because of where I was raised, I was at an educational disadvantage than most of my peers, but that didn’t stop me from achieving the best I was offered; and that there were different standards in different places that simply did not translate, but that I could still achieve my best with newly implemented standards.
I had to break from this idea that grades define people, and especially the fact that grades define me as a person. I had to break myself of the idea that only one form of studying works. I had to break away from being embarrassed to ask for help, the strongest people of influence in this world know when to ask for help, I must know when to ask too; and I had to change and challenge my previous mind set to succeed in this new environment.
Kiana Simone Washington is currently a Sophomore in college attending the University of California Davis, and is undeclared but plans to switch to Nutrition Science with an emphasis in public health. After college Kiana plans to move onto nursing school in order to become a nurse practitioner or even going on to pursue that of a forensic or traveling nurse.
Last quarter Kiana volunteered at the UC Davis Medical Center where she received hands on experience in both the ER and orthopedic divisions. Even after completing the volunteer duty her supervisors have nominated her for a UC Davis community service award. Kiana is also very active in volunteering in her hometown as she assists in biweekly food banks as well as planning and organizing environmental cleanups along with working with various elementary schools to put on programs regarding the importance of our environment.
Kiana has a plethora of interpersonal skills relating back to confidence, conflict management, and collaboration.
Kiana is also one of the newest initiates of Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority, Inc., Lambda Xi Chapter (ΛΞ) , Spring 2019 #Setaria7 #Proud2Be #DeltaGirl.