Past experiences and growing up in a blended family has taught me a lot about love and showed me what kind of relationship I wanted to have. Since my mother remarried, I have witnessed the dedication that goes into making a happy marriage last. Seeing this made me realize that relationships are not always fun and games, but that if you want it to last there is a lot of compromising involved. After getting into my first serious relationship, we had to learn to use compromises to maintain a level of fairness that demonstrates the validity of the other person’s needs and desires. For example, I love celebrating holidays whereas my partner and his family treat most holidays as just a regular day. However, since holidays are so important to me, my partner tries to make them as special as possible.
“I can be changed by what happened to me but I refuse to be reduced by it
#PreventionStartswithME”
Going along with compromising, I was always taught at a young age to be self-sufficient and honest. Being forced to rely on someone else for the majority of the aspects of life illustrates power imbalance of the relationship, therefore in my relationship I refuse to rely wholeheartedly on my partner to fulfill all of my needs. This goes to say that my partner serves more as a companion and someone who can add to my life rather than someone I have to completely depend on. Since I aim for an egalitarian relationship, being self-sufficient has been an important tool used in order to maintain that level of give and take in my relationship. However, it has also shown me that I should be more comfortable with asking for and accepting help. Even though I can do this thing called life alone that does not mean that I should.
Honesty about insecurities and frustrations is something I had to learn when growing up with a parent with whom our personalities clashed. My mother and I are both very opinionated people and occasionally our views do not align. This lead to instances where I had to explain to her what my thought process was in a calm and respectful manner. These practices carried over into my relationship and allowed me to self-advocate for my needs while still remaining respectful and cautious of his needs.
In contrast, not all of my past experiences helped me initially maintain a strong relationship with my significant other. My lack of vulnerability always caused me to force up a wall up that prevented me from being completely open. In the beginning it was not detrimental to the relationship but as time went on, my trust issues became our trust issues. To make matters worse, he had no idea why I had trust issues and that began to drive a wedge of division between us. I realized that I was putting my past pains and traumas onto the person I loved; but they had manifested as “issues,” and that was toxic for both my partner and me. It wasn’t until I became afraid of pushing away a man that has done his best to show me that he truly loves me; that type of pressure allowed me to feel more open and trusting to disclose any of my past experiences — I had to choose to allow him to hold space for me and with me.
To my relief, sharing my experiences allowed us to better understand the root cause of our trust and communication issues; and how to better navigate and maintain awareness for all current and potential triggers. It allowed us to set more defined boundaries and created a deeper bond among us. In the end, honesty strengthened us. Being transparent has been a way for me to advocate for my needs and to create a better sense of understanding with my partner and me. This level of understanding translates into many different aspects of the relationship such as the way we communicate with each other and the way we receive each other’s love languages.
“Be confident in yourself and practice self-love and positive self-affirmations. When you love yourself and have a strong self-image, you can handle anything that you are confronted with.”
All in all, I have found out that dating takes a lot of work— not only with each other, but with yourself. Looking within to find out how past experiences, both positive and negative, affect the dynamics of your love life is essential to maintaining a healthy bond with your significant other.
Jenna was raised in Fresno, Ca and actively participated in numerous sports including cheer.
Upon graduating high school, Jenna came to the University of California, Davis to major in Sociology with an emphasis in Law and Society and minor in Spanish. When she graduates, Jenna hopes to enter into the law program at the University of California, Irvine to study either family law, civil rights law, or entertainment law.
At the University of California, Davis, Jenna discovered a passion for painting and currently works as a Master Artist at PaintNite by Yaymaker all while advancing her cheer leading career.
Jenna provides the ability to communicate effectively with people from various backgrounds, organize the schedule of workshops or classes and collaborate in group settings. In her free time, she enjoys listening to music, reading, and spending time with her loved ones.
Jenna is also one of the newest initiates of Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority, Inc., Lambda Xi Chapter (ΛΞ) , Spring 2019 #Setaria7 #Proud2Be #DeltaGirl #Legacy.