By: Seghen H. Woldai
“Domestic Violence is not love; it is not care nor concern for another person. It is not justified by suggesting that it is evidence of the intensity of how deeply #Preventionstartswithme”
It is an often common thing in relationships for women to feel obligated to stay “through thick and thin” and be a “ride or die”. But how much is too “thick” and how much is too “thin”? And who we need to “ride” and “die”? Are these attributes of a relationship necessary? Is it worth losing yourself, your self worth, or self love? Enduring those negative attributes, cost me everything I had and it was up to me to pick up the pieces and build myself up again. No one should have that power over you.
Coming into college I had a high school sweetheart. Everything was rainbows and butterflies, but with every relationship, the good comes with the bad. I began to get really caught up with what my former partner was doing outside of the relationship. For example, “entertaining” other girls.
This became unhealthy when I became so consumed in trying to find things out that I began to neglect my own well-being. I became insecure about what I could be doing wrong to make him want to search outside of the relationship instead of being completely okay with me. In addition, the verbal and emotional abuse that came with it only added to the stress of the relationship. I was constantly reminded that I was nagging about the little things, my anger and sadness was not valid because there are other girls in relationships that have it worse me. This became my reality and I started to believe that his words were the truth.
Instead of saying, "I'm damaged, I'm broken, I have trust issues" say "I'm healing, I'm rediscovering myself, I'm starting over.
#PreventionStartswithME
-Seghen Woldai
There came a time where I finally decided that enough was enough. I was tired of questioning my sense of self-worth and tired of being unhappy.I channeled my inner self and outlined my who I am and what I will/will not tolerate when it comes to the way others treat me, especially in romantic relationships. Realizing that the turbulence in the relationship would continue only if I allowed it to, I finally stood up for myself and left the toxic relationship I was in.
The energy I was putting into the success of a failing relationship, I began to put into building myself up instead. I realized I was putting more into the relationship than my partner to make up for their lack of effort, and that was detrimental to my wellness. I was partaking in a one-sided relationship, and I decided to leave. It was not the easiest decision to leave a person I had been with a for a long time, but realizing that the amount of time put into a relationship does not equate the quality of the relationship helped to reassure me in my decision.
“Stop incriminating the victim. What she wore and her body language is not consent. #PreventionStartsWithMe”
In my relationships after this experience, I set boundaries. What I was willing to do and compromise set the precedence of how I allowed myself to be treated by the other person. I became comfortable with the fact that these boundaries were not made for everyone. Standing firm in myself and what I believed I deserved helped me to weed out relationships with people that were not healthy for me and being okay with that.
People can only do what you allow them to do to you, and I have made a promise to myself to never allow myself to go through an experience that resembles my last relationship. Being in college and dating, you have to be okay that you will go through heartbreak, even break some hearts yourself. However, being in our prime developmental stages and learning how to navigate through life, in general, we have to be comfortable with the fact that some people are in our lives for seasons and others for an entire lifetime.
Determining who stays in your life for how long is up to you. You create the boundaries for your relationships, you determine what you are willing to take, and you determine when you have had enough-- just remember to not lose yourself in the process, your relationship will only be as strong as your self-worth in them.
Seghen Woldai’s experience as a first generation Eritrean college student has motivated her drive in her educational pursuit. Showing interest in the sciences, Seghen is currently pursuing a degree in Cognitive Science with a special emphasis in Neuroscience, and a minor in African/African American Studies at UC Davis.
Seeing that the health of the Black community is neglected, Seghen decided to step up and volunteer for Imani Clinic where she provides healthcare services to the community of Oak Park. She also recognized the lack of academic support for Black students on her campus, providing a solution to this problem, Seghen pursued the role as President of the Black Community of Science on campus; which she fosters the educational and professional development of Black students in STEM.
Seghen hopes on becoming a physician of neurology in the future in order to address the needs of patients with brain disorders. Seghen provides the ability to work alongside others in a team and to take initiative when necessary. In her free time, Seghen enjoys painting, journaling, or watching some of her favorite shows on Netflix.
Seghen is also one of the newest initiates of Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority, Inc., Lambda Xi Chapter (ΛΞ) , Spring 2019 #Setaria7 #Proud2Be #DeltaGirl.