TDV | College Edition
Teen Dating Violence Awareness for College-Aged Women
“They treated me like a tool. Always disrespecting me in public.”
“I had to think of them and what they wanted, but they didn’t care what I wanted. It was like I didn’t matter.”
we’re “grown-ish,” let’s talk about college & consent
1 IN 4 (22%) of ALL rape victims are between the usual college ages of 18 and 24. And of those attacks in college it’s usually a classmate, friend, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend or other acquaintance (in that order). More than half (60%) of acquaintance rapes on college campuses occur in casual or steady relationships; while 1 in 3 college students report sexual assault from a former or current partner.
Grown-ish currently had an episode that featured a lengthy discussion exploring the ins and outs of what they called #EnthusiasticConsent; ultimately leading to the importance of body safety, sexual activity safety, and on-campus safety — even when you are with your acquaintances and friends — because despite what we all learned about myths, our danger is usually not in the form of a stranger.
How you decide to practice a culture of consent is up to you, but it is important to remember that what you have decided may be different from someone else has decided and the only way to know — is to ASK?!
We all want our personal space and boundaries respected and the first step in that process, when meeting new people is to start communicating. Open up and be vulnerable to whatever level you feel comfortable, but share those boundaries!
Teen Dating Violence on College Campuses
It is easy for us to move around as students, disconnected from all the intersection of domestic violence. We may shrug off the aggressive behaviors as “a bad day” or “s[he] is just like that” or adjust ourselves to the abuse, without realizing the trauma we are enduring by deciding “if I just…” or “next time I won’t make them mad…,” but it’s not you - it’s the cycle of abuse.
There are many forms of abuse and sometimes, we may not be in an abusive relationship, but we may be in an unhealthy relationship that could lead to abuse in the future. On college campuses it is easy to have “blurred” lines, as we have new experiences and figure out how we might feel about the experiences we are having for the first time.
“I took his intensity as love instead of something just dark”
discuss a culture of consent with friends & family
One of the greatest lessons we can learn in this life is self-awareness. As you move forward in this awareness you are become more confident in giving yourself permission to set boundaries that agree with you, regardless of how they might agree — or not with someone else.
Discuss how you have or have not practiced consent before college and now that you’re in college. If you’re a parent, share with your children how you learned about and practiced consent.
Lastly, discuss how consent practices can benefit you in all relationships, family, friend, work, or romantic.
“The texting never stopped. I would get 75 to 100 texts a day asking what I was doing, where I was, who I was with.”
“He would check my phone to see who else I was texting.”
Tech Abuse
Technology abuse is extremely common in abusive relationships. Within the context of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, and trafficking, abusers often misuse technology as a way to control, monitor, and harass victims. In fact, in a 2015 survey of victim service providers, 97 percent of programs reported that their clients experienced harassment, monitoring, and threats by abusers through the misuse of technology.
Victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking may have even greater safety risks and concerns when their personal information appears on the Internet. However, having no online presence is generally unrealistic and isolating, so there are some things you can do to try to control who sees your information.
“She lied about me on Facebook. I lost friends. It just hurt so bad. Once it was out there, there was nothing I could do.”
“He Shared private photos of me with his friends. It was humiliating.”
What are basic safety measures to take when using social media?
Here is a list of some things you can do to try to stay safe:
For any account that you create, use a strong password that no one could figure out and keep it private. To read more about this, please see What safety steps should I take even if I think the abuser does NOT have access to my email account?
Limit the amount of identifying information you use, like your birth date, address, full name, etc. (This step can also help prevent identity theft.)
Be careful about what you post! Consider the articles you post to your profile, the pictures you put in an online album, or any status updates that indicate where you are at the moment (such as "checking in" at a restaurant) or where you are headed (such as a vacation destination). These types of posts can reveal a lot about you: your interests, your whereabouts, and your future plans, which can lead to someone finding you.
Log out of your account by clicking “log out” after each session on your social media page. Do not simply close the browser, as it does not always log you out of your account, which would then be view-able by any other user of the computer.
Learn more: https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-tips/safety-social-media/basic-information
“Once I began to think about leaving is when the harassment and abuse really escalated and when I felt the most afraid.”
“He made me feel like leaving him would be selfish and wrong, even though I was suffering.”
“After I broke up with him, he started following me everywhere. I was scared for my life.”
“They said they would kill themself if I ever left them”
